Have you ever woken up, peeped at the bright skies and wondered if you are still the one going to face the world? Lost in hopelessness, you pull the curtains, recoil in bed and you want life to end. For a while, I questioned my reason for being alive. I would apply for jobs with not even a regret letter being sent back. I would roam the streets helplessly then return home empty-handed. Settling for any odd jobs I would get. I cleaned dishes and toilets, served as a waitress, cleaned clothes for people in a struggle to make ends meet.
Desperation took its toll on such a morning, and all I wanted to do was die. I recall managing a business for someone, raking them 1.5 million in a span of three weeks, but she still paid me the measly sum of six thousand bob. Yes, six thousand shillings. Frustrations kicked in like nobody’s business. Bile piled up and anger took its toll on me. I called it quits, packed my bags and hit the roads. ‘Enough is enough,’ I had said to myself.
Little did I know that this would be the start of a long journey to self-healing and success. At this moment, all my gut told me was I had to join uni, get a degree and be like everyone else. It did not matter how I got there. I had to get there. I mean, the statement ‘you do not have an education’ is used as a determining factor for so many things in this life. What is education? Are there geniuses and other smart people who cannot be confined to a classroom? Yes, the hunt for that piece of paper, got me to where I stand today.
Still, without that education, I got a series of success stories up my sleeve. The best always being this conviction that everyone deserves an education and a good life. Then, my weakness for children. This got me writing mail and making calls to strangers, fundraising so kids in children’s homes could have an equal fight at life. From the specially enabled to total orphans, this was my call. When today they call or text or do the victory dance, I smile, because I know my efforts paid off. Nonetheless, Miss Paul is always laughing at me. Reason being, I can do so much for others, but when it comes to myself, my courage disappears and my voice is lost.
Nothing is cast on stone, I will never tire of saying this. Stand up and continue fighting. Fight for what you believe in. Just grind. Fight for that future so elusive. Fight for strength. Fight for healing. Nothing comes easy. Fight. And when you are done with the fighting, fight again. There are no limits to what you can achieve if you just don’t give up. Forgive often. Let go of unnecessary baggage, then keep fighting. It is while at the marketplace that you shall sing the victory song.
Take time off from the hustle and start planning again. Strategize for battle. It is ok to start afresh. Pack up, move and start from scratch. Own your past, box your fears, believe in your abilities then, in all totality, trust God. Now, this, I had to learn the hard way. I am the type of person who believed in their own abilities. Believed I was smart enough, could do anything I put my mind to, and like I said, did marvelously, but for others. Inside, on the other hand, I was empty. Nothing to show for me. I kept rotating and mark-timing at the station called life.
Then faith happened. It does not come easy, I will tell you for free. It is a struggle with self, your convictions, your hopes, and most of all, your fears. They all remind of how you cannot. Of your failures, your background and where you have come from. But that is not where your life is. Your future is right ahead of you. History is gone, boxed up in the past moments of yonder. Your future beckons.
Decisions were taken, plans made and all systems said go. There was nothing to fall back on. No plan B and definitely no options for whatever else. I had to keep moving. And this I did. I kept moving, sometimes, slowly and painfully trudging, but moving all the same. Times are known when I would just exist, counting the stars all the while letting others tell me what should and should not happen. Defining the rights and wrongs in my life. When I sought advice for the sake of it, not because I did not know what I wanted, but so I could get someone else to blame. But can I tell you what happens when you are moving?
At such times, you will falter. Maybe even give up. But when you look right ahead, your crown beckons. It is so near, nothing will be as stupid as bailing. So somehow you will continue fighting. Strangers will appear in the walks of life, maybe even hold your hands and encourage you to be strong. And if like me you will have more responsibilities on your back, then your options are limited. Do you even know how many persons are encouraged by your strength? How many souls are fighting on just because you stood? How your testimony will uplift many others the world over? Do you know that it is not by your strength that you are standing but by the grace of God?
Look at life and see. Right before your eyes, how many died along the way? Others who gave up and surrendered? The lives wasting away in ‘shit holed life’ because they lost hope? My friend, stand up and be counted. Define your battles and keep moving. Into the horizon, you star shall shine again. There are no limits to what you and God can achieve. Give Him the reigns and keep moving.
Yours is a book, that shall be read by many. Keep moving!